I feel a little foolish now that I look back at it. Before I moved to Rochester I started a relationship with a girl that lasted for 3+ years. We were long distance, but we both decided we were going to go to college in New York State so we looked forward to that. Summers and holiday breaks were another time we both got to see each other so it wasn’t completely unbearable. Eventually, our relationship came to an end when the whole long distance thing became to much. Crushed and emptiness soon followed the break up. She was my first “real” girlfriend, and it was a long relationship at that. Time passed and after arguments, periods of silence, and regret, we decided to stay friends. Even if we weren’t together I thought, we were still best friends. I thought we’d keep mutual contact throughout the rest of our High school career, and maybe just maybe we’d get back together in the future. I was wrong. Not to many months after breaking up she found a new boyfriend. I can’t say I blame her for moving on, but it still hurts regardless of how I justify it. After so many years she had moved on to a new guy, and even then I still thought we’d remain friends. Well, an ex boyfriend does not make a good best friend in the eye of the new boyfriend. After some rather intense disputes, and conflicts among the love triangle there was a time of silence among my ex and I. After so long though I STILL thought friendship could be mutual among the both of us.

For a while it worked, things stayed cordial, and it was almost how things used to be. There was only one difference; I wasn’t sought after. By that I mean, I’d be the one sending calls and texts a majority of the time, and she wouldn’t bother contacting me even if months or more had passed. My phone calls were not a priority to respond to, and I was scooted to the back burner of her life. At first I thought she just didn’t want to talk to me anymore, but she’d always say that she was just “really busy”. It worked for a while, I understood we were both busy people, but then I started to wonder. Howe busy are you that you cant respond to a phone call in over a month? How busy are you that you can’t send me a text message explaining that you’re currently busy and will get back to me shortly? It wasn’t until Friday that I finally realized I was not wanted anymore. While talking to her on the phone, I wondered why she seemed so absentminded and distracted I wondered why I kept hearing her giggle randomly and act as if she wasn’t very interested in the conversation.Her boyfriend was at her house with her. I felt pangs of irritation at this realization I must look super pathetic talking to my ex while her new boyfriends pleases and amuses her in person. I gathered myself after realizing this and put on the best cheerful tone I could, “I’ll go then, and won’t interrupt your guys quality time.” I hung up my phone and just stared at it for a long half an hour.

I finally understood After all this time, it really is not possible for two people to stay close after breaking up. I thought I’d be able to pull it off, that we’d be friends all the way up old age. That we’d reminisce over our childhood, and we would be glad when we both go married to our new lovers and had kids. Sadly, life does not work out like a fantasy, or even a nice movie. Reality can be harsh, and not what we want to deal with. I concluded that I am not going to contact her anymore. If she wants to speak to me she’ll call me, but I have to just forget about that part of my life.

 

~Frazier

Sometimes You Have To Let Go

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