Category Archives: Life Narratives & Reflections

I Forgot I Had a Blog

Or to be more precise, I’ve been so busy, that by the time I was done for the day and able to reflect it was some odd hour into the night, or I was tired. Well enough is enough!
I’m forcing myself to write, and keep you readers updated.

I got home from NYC in the wee hours of the morning (Sunday at 4). I had a blast visiting NYU. It was my first time seeing the college and the first time being in NYC in four years (the only other time I went to NYC was when I went on a 3 day trip in 9th grade). So I was pretty overwhelmed with the sheer magnitude of the city. There was any and everything!

I met with all of my HEOP cohorts, and learned a lot about what will be coming up in the next couple of months. I took placements test, which I’m eager to find out how I did. For English, I wrote a bangin thesis on what it’s like to he “brown,” it was a prose and opinion essay. While the grammar part was blah. I’m not the best at grammar, so I won’t oppose having an extra grammar class. Math on the other hand was something. It was a calculus test. When was the last time you heard SWW students taking calculus? Right.
I was sure I was going to fail the test horribly, but to my surprise I knew a majority of it! The math I’ve been learning at MCC covered a majority of what was on the placement test. Deciding to take math elsewhere was one of my best senior moves. I have to remind myself to pass on this tidbit of information to the underclass men.

These test were to decide what summer classes we are going to take. And although the summer classes don’t count as credits it will be the first grades that show up on our transcript. So I gotta be on my “A” game! Literally, hahaha.
After testing we learned about housing and heop info, met with counselors, and learned about the individual schools we’re apart of (I’m apart of the “liberal studies program”).

Exploring the city was something else. I saw so many stores I wanted to go in, great food places, and just beautiful scenery. NYU has buildings disbursed all across manhattan (a majority in lower manhattan), so it seems a little scattered, but once you enter one of the buildings they’re so large and they feel so cut off from the city it’s like it’s own indivuidual place. I like that.

After getting NYU tour stuff done, and making some friends, I traveled with my mom and auntie for a while. Then went to harlem with my mom’s cousin to eat at Sylvias (the Sylvia that’s on the hot sauce, and other soulfood cans). It was a soul food restaurant, and whew, it was great. I was beyond stuffed after leaving there.

So after getting high off of college vibes I didn’t want to go home. I wanted to start right then and there! I have less than two months, I can be patient. Besides as much as I’m ready to run off and start city life, I have much left to finish here in the Roc, and I have to spend as much time with my friends as possible before I leave.

So back to the Roc.
I have to finish the newspaper by Friday. I haven’t been able to work on it at all because my laptop doesn’t have the program I need to work on NWW anymore. You can only imagine the breakdown I had when I found this out. This means I have to do the entire last issue at school, in barely a week. It’s going to be Janurary’s issue all over again (staying at school till 6). The only bright side I could see to this situation is that I’ll be done with NWW soon enough. Fortubately AP is over so I’ll have my Monday and Friday lunch block free. Meaning I can spend a straight two hours working on NWW on these days. So pray for me everyone, this week is going to be hetic, and it doesn’t make things better that prom is this Friday as well. #TheStruggle

Regardless of what happens though, I’m still gonna have fun at prom! Got my tux picked out and at first I thought I was going to go traditional but the red one I chose really caught my eye. It’s designed after what Bruno Mars wore to the Grammys two years ago, and I really like that vintage yet classy look. Teresa is adamant on wearing the 50s look. She doesn’t even want to wear heels! I told her that prom is suppose to be the day where everyone dresses up and be fancy because it’s “their special day,” but she held with her decision. The long conversation we had about prom attire reminded that prom is not about looking the best, but having fun. At first I was a little apprehensive of Teresa having such a different look, and not looking like the typical prom girl, but I realize that by her dressing the way she wants, she will feel like a prom queen, and really that’s all that matters! It was a little warming to know that no matter how busy with life I may get, valuable lessons can still wiggle their way into my everyday life.

In other news “Mission: Save SWW” has deferred for the last week ( with AP going on I couldn’t really focus on anything else), but I will begin phase two. “Sea of Letters.” I’m gonna type a little memo up for everyone asking them to write a letter about what SWW has done for them and how much the school means to them, so we can mail them to the board of education. I feel like this is going to have a powerful impact!

I’ve decided I want to learn sign language, so I’m having Madeline teach me daily. I’ve always been interested in signing but Teresa NEVER wants to teach me. She’s so stubborn, I swear. Luckily there’s Maddy and she’s more than happy to show me stuff so I’m pumped to start learning. *I already know the alphabet!*

This post is starting to get a little long winded, so I’ll stop for now. Below I have some pics of my trip! Goodnight and God bless, y’all!





Picture 1: Wahington Square park. Which is the center of NYU. It is surrounded by many NYU buildings and my dorm is right on the edge of the park.

Picture 2: When we went to Harlem we stopped by the Apollo theatre.

Picture 3: All of the HEOP kids did an activity (sort of like the game part of our CPR) we had to create a scene out of a whole bunch of materials, depending on the countries we received. We got Prouge, which I had no idea about. I created the blue face on the ballon (it’s lady liberty).


The Golden Gate Bridge Weeks

So I’m back from the “golden gate bridge two week break.”
The previous 2 week have been jam packed with business, events, good news, dissapointing news, deadlines, HW, blah blah blah. But HW though, goodness. I thought after I’d get into college everything would be easier, but it’s only getting rougher. Senioritis was trying to seduce me the last couple of week, and I really wanted to scumb to its prowess. Of course, I can’t do that, so it’s been #TheStruggle to stay passionate and on task. Thank God there’s weekends though. I would beez in the trap if weekends didn’t exist.

Besides that, school has been great. Im pelted with compliments and praise everyday about NWW, and it feels good hearing people say they like it, and they can truly see the improvement in the issue (issue #4 was released last week). I wish I could continue this next year, but hopefully someone will take the torch and lead NWW in the future. Regardless I know I’m going to join Washington Square News when I go to NYU next year, or maybe even join their very own radio station.

Scholarship and financial aid wise it’s been something. Entering NYU through HEOP gives me not only academic assistance throughout my Highschool career, but also financial. I will only have to pay around 3000 dollars a year ( which I’m working hard to finances through scholarships). I’m not exactly forsure what my bottom line is because my financial aid package is still being formulated (they have to add room and board) so once that’s official I’ll know forsure. Unfortunately I didn’t get the Gates scholarship,

*moment of silence*

I had my day of mourning, but I recovered. Now I’m trying my hardest to win other scholarships. I’m trying my hardest not to have to pay loans. I know my teachers and counselor and getting tired of me asking them for recommendations, hahaha. Im tired of it to. It’s to much to keep track of recommendations and all those extra forms that are involved.

So while the hunt for scholarships continues, I’m torn about which dorm room I want. I have two top choices; Hayden and Goddard. They’re both on Washington Square Park (except Hayden is 2 mins away while Goddard is directly on it). I’m torn because Goddard is a residential college so they do projects and community service together an they have themes like extended classes. It’s the smallest dorm with only 200 people it’s very close knit. On the other hand Hayden is not a residential college, but is know as the social and party dorm. It has 700 people, it has a dining hall in it unlike Goddard, and I believe they have a workout room which Goddard doesn’t have. They both have there pros and cons but I don’t know if I want to have the structure of a residential college. So I’m trying to figure out, and I have to figure out soon, because the deadline is creeping in the corners. I think I’m gonna email some of the RAs today and ask them about the dorms.

The countdown is on!
2 months and 2 weeks.

Glee is having two performances this Friday. Tay and Chenille are singing, “Stay” and I’m accompanying on the piano, and Olivia and Cindy are singing “down”. Unfortunately Maddy won’t be here to sing, but we know she’s in a better place singing for X-Factor!

“Mission Save SWW”: this school wide project has exploded and everyone is doing what they can to save the school. I’ve gotten support from seniors who transferred from our school and I actually have someone making a video on how SWW has changed their life. From the D&C they’re gonna have their education writer come and they’re gonna write a sorry about us in the paper. Press Coverage! And I’m suppose to write for the D&C (not positive what it is yet). Trying everything I can to save SWW and pulling on all of the resource I have.

Slam is going fine, I don’t know what I want to do for my Indi I may have no other choice but to do my Shakespeare poem. I really wanted to write about my lying poem or my afraid to leave home poem, but as I started writing them over the weekend they didn’t click, at least not just yet. So I need more time and maybe I’ll have something Wednesday.

Besides that, I’ve made a whole bunch of new friends lately and I even met another student who’s goes to irondeqoit high school who got into NYU and through HEOP. So we plan on linking up, I’m not for sure what a good hang out would be, but I’m thinking paint balling. What better way to get to know someone, than firing hazardous balls at them. Hahah.
I am not use to hanging out with people and I need to work myself out of this mold, cuz in the city I know being social is going to be the best thing.
Senior deadline coming up!
Gotta schedule my final meeting.


Postponed Climax

This week has been non stop homework and business. I thought getting into college was going to be the climax of the year, and things would slow down after that, but things are just getting more gruesome haha.
Only two more months left! Wooh!

Other news, slam poetry has been going well this year. I’m ready to start other poetry and be done with Shakespeare slams though. Team “Chasted” has to be revised and reformed due to slacker workers though, so I’m anxious to see how that turns out. Joe my poetry instructor made a good point about Slams. It can help you deal with things you may have buried or be powerful enough to change things in yours and others lives. With that said one thing I’ve pushed to the back of my life is some of my past friendships. How they were destroyed by peer pressure, drugs, low self esteem, and lies. Especially lies, my last guy best friend lied to me constantly over the tinesy thing to the most severe things. I gave up on the friendships some years ago, but there’s still a part of me that wants to talk about it, exspress how I truly feel [because talking to the friend about it was impossible (due to them being over emotional)]. And I know that others go trough the same things so it can be relatable, I’m gonna start it over the weekend and I already have a refrain for the poem “Don’t Lie to me” or maybe a sarcastic twist to it, “Lie to me.” Either way it’s gonna be a border line rant poem with a different perspective on how it feels to be deceived and ultimately not trusted. Stay tuned bloggers!

Also! I should hear back from Gates Millennium next week. Pray, hope, and best wishes that I get good news!


Germs. Faster than the speed of light.

Came in the school healthy, prepared and well. Left queasy, tired, and ill-like. Germs spread so fast, and I wish I could travel in a bubble everywhere. I don’t know if it’s because I ate so unhealthy over the weekend (ate out everyday) or if it’s because I’ve been getting a little under 4 hours of sleep lately, regardless, I don’t feel well.
I took a nap and hopefully I’m not all nausea for my field trip tomorrow. I’m going to Nazareth with my global issues class for this global citizens convention. Unfortunately I have to miss the first hour or so, because I can’t afford to miss a day of MCC. I seriously get behind and I’m trying to keep an A average in that class.
Update on my senior project: the 3rd issue is going to be delivered to the school tomorrow by Sarah Crupi (she mines well be my community expert). The paper had a major delay due to power outages, and just time management, but it will be out tomorrow! Alright back to my to-do list of things.

Night world!


Hope conquers Fear

I had a bit of worrying today. So I’m a finalist for the Gates schoalrship which entails a full tuition scholarship to wherever I want. I was so excited, it’s like my hope of actually being able to go to NYU if I get in. Being a finalist I had to get a lot of forms from Jamie, one of them being my GPA form. I have a 3.6 (B+) and although my friends keep telling me that’s good, I know I’m competing against a lot of smarts kids who probably have 4.0 (A+) and up. I just feel like this is a blemish on my record. It’s just that, this opportunity means so much, it literally will decide a huge part of my future and I wanted everything to be as perfect as it could be. I kinda wish our school gave GPAS from the beginning of our high school careers, so when we actually get our GPAS senior year we aren’t all surprised at what we get. I guess I would of tried harder to have as close as a 4.0 as I could have.
Regardless, there’s nothing I can do about it and I’m going to pray that God makes a way for me to afford where I want to go rather I get the scholarship or not. Also I’m going to stop worrying and just leave it all to Him. Tymoni, a friend of mine told me:
“You do a lot ontop of your studies and besides you made it this far in the competition you’ll make it” [PP]. Her words were true, but the sprits of worry and fear are so invasive and so leech-like, that at times I can’t help but fall victim to these sins. God says “Do not fear” 365 times in the bible. One reminder for each day. I fall to worry/fear a lot, but now I see why God reminds us so many times. We are all weak in spirit and need his encouragement, his word, and reminders to keep us on the straight and narrow.

Blog readers, rather you pray or not, please speak positivity and life over my college/financial situations.

For God says, “Death and life are in the power of the tongue: and they that love it shall eat the fruit thereof” (Proverbs 18:21).


Good News

It’s like that letter you’ve been waiting for in the mail box.
That last slice of cake in the refrigerator.
That unexpected dollar in your pocket.
The first day of snow.

It’s like a windy summer day.
Loose, wild, and free.

It’s like a hug when your feeling down.
Your heart lifted off the ground.

Good news can make everything seem perfect, even when it’s not.


Frome Men to Women

I believe a man should be a man, and I believe a woman should be a woman. Within society there are these stereotypes and double standards on men and woman. Specifically men.
In my advance Literature class we’re reading Ethan Frome and as we were having a great discussion about the book, the same critique came upon the main character Ethan. That he was to feminine, and lacked “manliness” because he was weak, and played both the husband and wife in the relationship. Now I agree that men should be the head of the house, should be the provider, and should be the foundation for the house. But from the group conversation I got this unison assumption that Ethan was weak, thus he was the female of the relationship. I found this odd, the conclusion was that since Ethan is weak he is considered the woman? This coming from people who would in a blink of an eye defend the strength of woman. They were creating a double standard for men, and subsequently downgrading woman.
This contradicting outlook really got me thinking about what it is to be a man. Society definitely has this idea that men should be strong, tough, etc, but there are also other assumptions. I’ll place them in list form

Men should be; strong, tough, rigid, not share emotions as openly, willing to fight for what they believe in, willing to back down anyone who comes at them wrong, protecting, not interested in feminine related topics, inclined to sports, less talkative then woman, not caring about the aesthetics of things, like the outdoors, the dominate one in the relationship, not weak or passive aggressive, woman crazed, etc.

The list could go on and on, and I agree with some of the “characteristics of a male,” but I feel like the stereotypes are very, limiting. A stereotype becomes a problem when someone says you are not something because you do not fit the standards. This is what I mean by limiting. Making others feel wrong or out of place because they don’t meet the general stereotypes of men. I feel as though this is not something talked about often. It’s that half-lit light bulb in the room that everyone recognizes, but no one bothers to adjust or fix, because it’s assumed that it’s shining at full power. It’s not until someone comes along and tweaks the bulb that it shines twice at bright, and people begin to recognize that there was a problem with the light bulb in the first place. If the standards for men are okay, why do so many men leave their kids, why are so many men in jail, and why do so many men get in physical altercations, some leading to death, and why do so many men cheat? I believe this is what I’m going to write my slam poem about. I don’t want to come off as a victim, as I sort of did in my group piece “open insecurities.” I want to be almost as an outsider looking in, or a person who is simply questioning the norm.

Besides all the standards society places on us, I believe this is the one thing every person regardless man or female should do:

“And you must love the Lord God with all your heart, all your soul, all your mind and all your strength. The second is equally important: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ No other commandment is greater than these.”- Mark 12:30-31 (NLT)

Would stero types be such an issue if we were to all love each other. Would things so trivial as, gender, race, stereotypes, and ideas, matter if we were all interconnected and not so divided?


Never Quite as Planned

So I got done at the D&C at around 8 o’clock. Surprisingly I didn’t have a headache, I wasn’t hungry, and I was actually feeling pretty good about what I accomplished. So I prepared to leave and catch my bus when I realized there were only a few journalist left. It was pretty abandoned in the D&C but even in the abandoned building I felt accomplished. Pride beaming from my pores. I Cleaned up my desk area, collected my materials, and headed out like I’ve been at the D&C for years. On my way out I noticed that it was raining, soft soothing rain glittered the ground. It was like the peacefully ending to a nice movie; a late midnight rain washing off the worries of a rugged cool protagonists after a long day of “work”. After striding in the rain like it wasn’t affecting me, I began to notice the rain grow heavier and heavier.
Hail was beating my head. The swagger in my step was soon replaced with aggatated speed walking and stumbling as the hail fell harder.

Being in the comfort of my house now, I can look back and laugh. Whenever I try to act cool or pose I’m always humbled. Always.
I suppose it’s a good thing. I’d rather have hail beat my head then have evenly a slightly proud spirit.


That Time of the Month.

It’s officially “that time of the month” and it hit me very hard today. By “time of the month”, I mean the time of the month where my NWW deadline is looming over my head of course. I tried my hardest to prep, but I still ended up working at the D&C till 7. The struggle was real, and my head was pounding. Still not even done with the paper yet but I have a majority of it done.
Being so busy today, I felt like I floated through all my classes, I was there, but I wasn’t there fully if you know what I mean. It was a very surreal day for me. Luckily I got home, got a whole bunch of food and nutritional items like veggies, naked juice, and choclate chip cookies and I was back to 100%.
Enough of my complaint though, I’m going to say one of my fears:

“I’m getting into all of these great colleges, but what if I can’t afford them. I refuse to go into debt and loans are not an option. I couldn’t put that amount of stress on my mom / my future. So my prayer is that, I’ll be able to afford wherever I go.”

March is the green month. Not only because it starts the spring, but that’s when I start to get financial aid packages. I’ll keep y’all updated on how that goes.


Not Just Work

Besides all of the work, I’ve been doing things for fun as well. I had a library date with Lizzie Tuesday. We practiced our shakespearean monologues. Ours was Macbeth. Thursday I had a gym date with Krystal; we worked out at the Y for almost 2 hours then went to a kickboxing class. I was pooped after that class, I couldn’t keep up hahah. Today I trued to plan a date for all of the AP kids to go see a movie tomorrow, but it didn’t work out. lol
All work and no play, makes everyone cranky! That’s the truth.
By the way, I asked Teresa to the prom on Valentines day and she said Yes!